


Peter’s adventures on twitter

by AngyHomosexual58



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Him and Shuri are meme bandits, M/M, Peter is a mess, Twitter Fic, bisexual!peter, no beta we die like men, the avengers don’t get gen z humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 07:19:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 7,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17300240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngyHomosexual58/pseuds/AngyHomosexual58
Summary: Whom the fuck let Peter Parker have a twitter account





	1. Chapter 1

Yeeter @PeterParker

I long for the sweet release of death

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@PeterParker What the the fuck kid. You doing okay?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Oh absolutely not thank you for asking

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@PeterParker What happened kiddo? You know you can always talk to me.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark I spilled my milk on the floor.

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker Oh mood

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

What the f u c k

-

 

Flash @FlashT

How many dicks did Penis Parker have to suck to get Tony Stark and the princess of Wakanda to pretend to know him

 

Natasha @BlackWidow

@FlashT ExCUSE YOU? 

 

Needles @NedLeeds

@FlashT Ooh damn Flash u fucked up

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@BlackWidow Nat please don’t kill him. And don’t tell Tony

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@PeterParker TOO LATE KIDDO

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@FlashT listen up here you little prick if I hear you say ONE more thing to or about my kid I will personally make sure that no college ever accepts you

-

Ana @AnaMarie

So.. Are we gonna talk about how Tony Stark called @PeterParker his kid?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@AnaMarie No.

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker That was ominous Peter 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones Good.

-

Clara @WelcomeToChiles

Guys I LOVE Spider-Man 

 

Dana @DanaM

@WelcomeToChiles I agree. But what did he do? 

 

Clara @WelcomeToChilies

@DanaM I saw him stop a mugging today and he grabbed the guy’s gun with his webs and threw it across the alley yelling Y E E T

 

Evan @EvanC

AHAHAHAHAHA SPIDER-MAN IS GEN Z CONFIRMED 

-

You know how I am @TonyStark

@Spiderman kid what have I TOLD you about quoting vines while out spidermanning

 

Spidey @Spiderman

@TonyStark .... not to

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@Spiderman and what did you do?

 

Spidey @Spiderman

@TonyStark I quoted vines while out spidermanning

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@Spiderman exactly 

 

Spidey @Spiderman

@TonyStark It’s better than making bisexuality puns!

Spidey @Spiderman

Wait. Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

I’m off twitter for one day and suddenly #s(bi)derman is tending... someone explain 

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@BuckyBarnes Kid outed himself accidentally to make a joke

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@TonyStark I swear to god that kid is a mini Steve

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes explain.

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes 

@SteveRogers A small angry bisexual mess

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes and you were a big angry bisexual mess your point is?

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SteveRogers Guess we were just made for each other ❤️

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes Guess we were 

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@SteveRogers @BuckyBarnes you guys realize that this is not a private chat right?

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

Well.... shit

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

@SteveRogers Steve! Bucky said a bad word!

 

Cap @SteveRogers

Fuck off birdbrain

-

Ha Gayyy @StuckyIsReal

HOLY FUXKHEHH I TOLD YOU BITCHES #Stucky is REAL

 

Bria @BriaHatcher

@StuckyIsReal IT’S NUMBER 1 TRENDING WORLDWIDE

 

Jake @JakeP

@StuckyIsReal disgusting faggots

 

Ha Gayyy @StuckyIsReal 

@JakeP Blocked and reported.

-

Daily Mail @DailyMail

First Spider-Man now Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes accidentally out themselves on twitter. Providing updates as story progresses.

-

Spidey @Spiderman

Holy fuc guys thank you for all the support! and to all my haters... I’m sensitive so please stop

 

Shuri @Shuri

@Spiderman Spider-Man: Meme Bandit


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask Spider-Man!

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

AHhH I’m bored and Mr. Stark is fake and won’t let me help on the avengers current mission soo..... #AskSpiderman

 

Shuri @Shuri

@Spiderman badddd idea 

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@Shuri when has anything I’ve ever done been a good idea

 

Shuri @Shuri

@Spiderman Lmao you right

-

Abbey @AbbeyL

#AskSpiderman Is the suit sticky or are you?

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@AbbeyL I’m the sticky one

 

Abbey @AbbeyL 

@Spiderman W i l d

-

SPIDEY NOTICED @Spiderfan

#AskSpideman how did you get your powers?

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@Spiderfan Got bit by a radioactive spider. Don’t worry, it’s dead.

 

SPIDEY NOTICED @Spiderfan

@Spiderman Aw damn

-

Flash @FlashT

#AskSpiderman Do you really know Penis Parker?

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

Yeah we’re really close. Also.. you’re a dick. Stay away from my boy Peter 

-

Amanda @AmandaGent

#AskSpiderman Now that you’re out will you make bi puns while out as Spider-Man?

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@AmandaGent Oh absolutely! My current favorite is “I swing both ways”

-

Megan @RoADWoRKAheAD

#AskSpiderman Is Tony Stark like your dad?

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@RoADWoRKAheAD no he’s a little bitch who won’t let me help him on missions (I’m lying I would die for that man without question)

-

Needles @Ned

#AskSpiderman Who’s your favorite avenger?

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

@Ned NED! What’s up buddy?! And I cannot in good conscious answer this question. The last time someone asked it caused a week long feud in the tower. I can’t go through that again.

-

Helena @HelenaEsp

#AskSpiderman soo..... weird question.... Does your body produce the webs?

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

@HelenaEsp Ew no I make them in a lab (before anyone asks I will not release the formula)

-

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

Annnd that’s enough internet today some of you are very weird (I still love you though)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all give me some prompts/Ideas this shit is difficult


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey gets hurt and Tony is such as a dad

Tori @Queen_Victoria

@TonyStark umm.. Mr. Stark? You should probably come get your kid

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@Queen_Victoria Is Peter okay? What happened?

 

Tori @Queen_Victoria 

No your other son. Spider-Man 

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@Queen_Victoria Fuck what did he do?

 

Tori @Queen_Victoria

@TonyStark He got SHOT

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@Queen_Victoria FUCK IM ON MY WAY

-

Jon @jonnyg

Can we talk about how much of a DAD Tony Stark is?

 

Abbey @AbbeyL

@jonnyg IRONDAD 😂😂

 

You know who I am @TonyStark

@AbbeyL I like it I’m stealing it

 

AbbeyL @AbbeyL

@TonyStark AHHHSHDGSYD

-

IronDad @TonyStark

The public has given me a new name

-

Tori @Queen_

@TonyStark but like... Is Spidey okay?!? He got shot yesterday 

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@Queen_Victoria Yeah he’s okay he has super healing. He’s on mandatory bed rest though.

 

Ben @Bennyboi

@TonyStark You sure about that?

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@BennyBoi What is that supposed to mean?

 

Ben @Bennyboi

@TonyStark Attachment  
(The picture is grainy but it clearly shows Spider-Man in the process of scaling a building)

IronDad @TonyStark

@Spiderman kid if you’re not home in ten minutes I SWEAR TO GOD

-

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

Y’all are a bunch of SNITCHES

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@Spiderman Kid you got SHOT yesterday 

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

But I’m fine!

 

Pepper @PepperPottsOfficial

@Spiderman if you’re not in bed when I come to check on you you’re gonna regret it.

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@PepperPottsOfficial Yes Ms. Potts

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PepperPottsOfficial How the hell do you get him to listen to you like that?

 

Pepper @PepperPottsOfficial 

@TonyStark Talent.

-

Aaron @AaronY

@TonyStark I propose we use the hashtag #SpidermanProtectionTeam to let you know if we see Spidey get hurt or go out after he’s been hurt.

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@AaronY I approve, please use this everyone

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

@TonyStark UUUGHGG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gimme some ideas :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Steve get political

Yeeter @PeterParker

But like can we talk about how horrible sex education in America is?

Yeeter @PeterParker

Like they teach abstinence only with is proven to be an ineffective teaching method, and they act like any type of sex other than heterosexual doesn’t exist.

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@PeterParker Seriously? That’s the same bullshit they were teaching in the thirties!

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@BuckyBarnes It’s just religious organizations pressuring the government to teach “Christian” values. It’s so ineffective and teenage pregnancy rates are higher in states that require abstinence only education.

 

MJ @MichelleJones 

@PeterParker Also the whole concept is extremely misogynistic and promotes binary gender roles

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones EXACTLY in the modern day they should focus on STD/STI prevention via protection and different sexual and gender identities 

 

Hannah @HannahG

@PeterParker and they should have an anonymous way to ask questions, so teenagers don’t resort to the internet, where the information could be inaccurate

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@HannahG THIS

-

Cap @SteveRogers

If I see ONE more tweet from you racists about Sam I will PERSONALLY ruin your life thank you very much

 

Angel Haris @AngelWings19

@SteveRogers What are they saying?!?

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@AngelWings10 So much neo nazi BULLSHIT about how he shouldn’t be an avenger because he’s black.

 

Angel Haris @AngelWings19 

@SteveRogers WhAT

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@AngelWings19 People said the same thing in the thirties to me for choosing a black man be apart of the Howling Commandos. It’s sickening that people still are this ignorant over 70 years later

 

Sam @SamWilson

@SteveRogers Thanks Cap. Also if I hear anyone insulting my boy Steve Rogers for being bisexual you will regret it

-

Cap @SteveRogers

Also if the conservatives would PLEASE stop using my name to further their awful agendas that would be greatly appreciated

 

Cap @SteveRogers

I’m only going to say this once. I’m a bisexual feminist who hates racists. I’m as left wing as you can get. I’m always down to punch a nazi in the face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the Ideas! :) Keep em coming


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony doesn’t get vines and Spider-Man meets Cassie Lang

Yeeter @PeterParker

Someone left an ice cube on the ground it melted and now my SOCK is wet. WHO THE FUCK WANNA DIE

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Whoah kiddo calm down

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Disgusting. Revolting. I dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior Jesus Christ and THIS is the thanks I get?!

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@TonyStark yeah what the fuck Richard 

 

IronDad @PeterParker

@PeterParker @BuckyBarnes I cannot deal with this right now

-

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

Okay but I just met the CUTEST little kid. I gave her my snickers bar and she kept saying how cool my web shooters are and I MELTED. I’m too young for kids I’m too young

-

Scott @Ant_Man

I’m about to officially lose my mind. @Spiderman I will never forgive you for stealing my spot as my daughter’s favorite superhero 

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

@Ant_Man That was CASSIE?!?!?!? Bring her to the tower I must see her again

 

Scott @Ant_Man 

@Spiderman NO! I’m HER worlds greatest grandma I don’t need you swinging in to steal her

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@Ant_Man But I wanna be her worlds best big brother! And I wanna introduce her to me without the mask!!

 

Scott @Ant_Man

@Spiderman UGHH fine we’re on our way

-

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@TonyStark I’m sorry Mr. Stark you can no longer be my favorite person

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@Spiderman WHAT?! WHY!

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@TonyStark Cassie Lang has stolen all my affection and I have NONE left

 

IronDad @TonyStark

My kid has abandoned me I have no purpose left in life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the support! I love all the prompts! Them throwing them my way! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider-Man v. Peter twitter fight. Also a bisexual crisis

Yeeter @PeterParker

Spider-Man is a big bitch like if you agree

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman 

@PeterParker oh yeah say that to my FACE you nerd

 

Yeeter @PeterParker 

@Spiderman I will you fool

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@PeterParker Try me bitch

CawCaw @ClintBarton 

@Spiderman @PeterParker SKSKSKSK THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN

-

Martin @MartinJ

@TonyStark Come get your kids they are fighting and I’m scared

-

IronDad @TonyStark

Why can’t I have ONE day of peace and quiet 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Mr. Stark who do you love more me or Spider-Man 

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@TonyStark you better say me

 

Rhodey @JamesRhodes 

@Spiderman @PeterParker Cmon guys. You broke Tony. He’s been curled up in the fetal position for the last ten minutes 

-

Yeeter @PeterParker 

Wowwww you guys take things way to seriously I’ve been getting so much hate mail for calling Spidey a bitch. He’s like my brother I’m allowed to

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@Spiderman yeah and if anything you’re the little bitch

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Spiderman YOU KNOW WHAT IM ABOUT TO SAY IT... I DONT CARE THAT YOU BROKE YOUR ELBOW

-

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

Guys being bisexual in this age is going to be the death of me

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@Spiderman Why?

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@SteveRogers Because GiRLs!!! but also BOyS!!!

 

Shuri @Shuri

@Spiderman BIG MOOD

 

Shuri @Shuri 

Oh yeah guys I’m bisexual I prolly should have mentioned that before 

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@Shuri THEY ARE ALL SO CUTE WHAT DO WE DO

 

Shuri @Shuri

@Spiderman Die I guess 🤷🏾♀️

 

S(bi)derman @Spiderman

@Shuri AHHHHHFJRNEKKS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys make me smile so much


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter’s teacher fucks up and Peter tells about Caps PSA’s

Yeeter @PeterParker

Yooo school sucks so bad

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Why?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker 

@TonyStark My teacher doesn’t believe I have a Stark internship so he gave me detention for being a “lying attention whore”

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker He said WHAT to you?!

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Hold on kid I’m on my way

-

Yeeter @PeterParker 

Guys Mr. Stark just MMA smackdowned my teacher. He showed up in full armor and made them let me leave detention 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

Also if I have to watch one more of Cap’s PSA’s I’m gonna yeet myself off SI

 

CawCaw @ClintBarton

@PeterParker Cap’s WHAT?

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@ClintBarton NOTHING!!!! Peter I swear to god 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@SteveRogers Never eat my pizza again Steve.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@ClintBarton search Captain America PSA on YouTube 

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@PeterParker DAMN IT Parker

 

CawCaw @ClintBarton

@SteveRogers STEVE AHAHAHAHSBRIFJBEH

-

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

I would like to point out that Steve has never followed a rule in his damn life

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

The PSA’s are bullshit I use to pull his scrawny ass out of back alley fights at least once a week

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes Buck stop! I’m supposed to be a good role model!

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes 

@SteveRogers But it’s true!

-

AbbeyR @AbbeyRain

The government using Captain America as a show girl to sell war bonds is the saddest yet most American thing that’s ever happened 

 

Cap @SteveRogers 

@AbbeyRain It was humiliating! The avengers never let me forget it 

 

Sam @SamWilson

@SteveRogers STAR SPANGLED MAN WITH A PLAN

-

Laura @Gayyshit

So my grandpa found a bunch of his old Captain America comics and WoW they didn’t know that you’re LGBT at ALL

 

Cap @SteveRogers 

@Gayyshit Those comics are 100% inaccurate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More prompts please :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor gets twitter and Natasha chews out flash again

Thor @GodOfThunder

AJSJWSKKKLOOOOOOOOOOIO

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

HOOWDOESONEMAKETHELETTERSSMALLANDHOWDOIMAKEASPACEBETWEENTHEWORDS

 

IronDad @TonyStark

Oh boy giving Thor a twitter was a grave mistake 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@GodOfThunder I’m on my way Thor I’ll explain everything to you

-

Thor @GodOfThunder

Hello friends I have learned how to successfully use this application!

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

Does anyone know where one could purchase a good pop tart in this area?

 

Ana @AnaTh

@GodOfThunder SKSKSKSKSKSJK LITERALLY ANY GAS STATION 

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

@AnaTh You seem to have pushed random keys! As young Peter just explained to me a good way to avoid that is to carefully push one letter at a time!

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@GodOfThunder now I’ve gotta explain gen z speak to you hold on

-

CawCaw @Hawkeye

Thor just screamed yeet while throwing his god damn hammer and now there’s a hole is the kitchen wall

IronDad @TonyStark

AAAHHHHHHGH

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

@TonyStark Big mood!

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@GodOfThunder I’m so proud

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker I’m disowning you

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Pls don’t I love you 

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker STOP MAKING IT SO HARD TO BE MAD AT YOU

-

Flash @FlashThompson Gay people like Penis Parker are going to hell

 

Yeeter @PeterParker *Bisexual* also... fuck off

 

Flash @FlashThompson

@PeterParker disgusting fag

 

Natasha @BlackWidow

@FlashThompson Okay listen up here you little bitch. If I here ONE more word out of you about Peter, his sexuality, or LGBTQ+ people in general I will not hesitate to gut you

 

Natasha @BlackWidow

@FlashThompson Literally half the avengers are queer and we will know how to kill a man. Don’t let me hear Peter’s name come out of your mouth ever again do I make myself clear

 

Flash @FlashThompson

@BlackWidow yes ma’am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I’m soooo sorry AP classes are a b i t c h. I’ll try and update more often I promise


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky killed JFK and Loki Buck And Nat get real about brainwashing

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

To all the brainwashed ex assassins out there... never use hypnosis as an amnesia therapy because you will remember some shit. Like you killed a very important historical figure.

 

Natasha @BlackWidow 

@BuckyBarnes Bucky did you kill JFK?

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@BlackWidow APPARENTLY!!!

 

Natasha @BlackWidow 

@BuckyBarnes I killed the Russian president’s wife in 88 so I’m with ya there bud

 

Loki @Godofmischief

@BlackWidow I killed eighty people in two days. The things that mind control does to a person

-

Amanda @AmandaHeminger

Okay so I’m officially shookethed to the core. Bucky killed JFK and Loki was mind controlled?!?!?!? Someone explain??

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@AmandaHeminger Hydra and Thanos are little bitches that’s what

 

Loki @Godofmischief 

@AmandaHeminger Yes I was kidnapped by the insane titan and forced to do his bidding. Did everyone think I did that on my own?

 

Amanda @AmandaHeminger

@Godofmischief YES

-

Loki @Godofmischief 

This midgardian trend of being sexually attracted to murderers is quite disturbing 

 

Loki @Godofmischief 

Apparently people didn’t know that me or Black Widow were brainwashed yet Ive see many “thirsty” (as Peter would say) comments about us

 

Natasha @BlackWidow

@Godofthunder They find the danger attractive

-

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

Don’t worry guys me Nat and Loki and still your murder queens. But we only kill people or aliens threatening the safety of the earth

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

I stan three heroic murder queens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH You guys are the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete is a dumbass

S(bi)derman @Spidey

Mr. Walls is a big bitch like if you agree

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

FUCK. WRONG FUCKING ACCOUNT 

 

Flash @FlashThompson

@Spidey YOU GO TO MIDTOWN?

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

Excuse me while I spin a cocoon of my own webs and leave myself to die in there.

-

IronDad @TonyStark

@Spidey kid.... you idiot.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@TonyStark I KnOW! I’m acTUaLLy BOO BOO THE FUCKING FOOL

-

Shuri @Shuri

@Spidey #Midtownspider is now trending. You fool.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@Shuri I am god’s mistake

-

Rachel @RawRawRach

@PeterParker Yoooo if Spidey goes to midtown and you’re both Tony’s kids... Do you know him? Do you have classes with him?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@RawRawRach I do. But we’re friends and I respect him a lot so I’m not saying a god damn word. 

-

S(bi)derman @Spidey

Hey so y’all know I’m an attention whore, and so you know I appreciate all this focus on me but....

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

I have friends and a family and being your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man has made me a lot of enemies. The only thing protecting the ones I love is my secret identity so please stop prying. 

-

Daily Mail @DailyMail

Spider-Man is in high school? The lovable protector of Queens made a tweet that confirmed some people’s suspicions; Spider-Man is a kid. 

-

Newsreal @TheNewsreal

Tony Stark, hiring child soldiers? After shocking news of Spider-Man’s age surfaced, some critics are calling for the head of Tony Stark for forcing the kid to fight for his cause.

-

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@TheNewsreal I was Spider-Man before I met Tony Stark and he has done nothing but protect me ever since. My suit? Him. My training? Him. He is a helicopter parent and I will not stand for this slander or him.

 

IronDad @TonyStark

I literally... cannot stop him. Spider-Man would kick my ass if I tried. I don’t like his doing the dangerous stuff he does, but he can bench press a semi truck so what am I gonna do.

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

@TonyStark kid lifted the couch with one hand with both Steve and Bucky on it to look for the remote. Bucky freaked out and it was so funny

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@Hawkeye I’ll come to wake him up and find him sleeping on the CEILING ITS FREAKY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :):):):):)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Furries man

Yeeter @PeterParker

Everyday we stray further from gods light.

 

Shuri @Shuri 

@PeterParker I agree but what happened?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri furries man

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker At least you’re not related to one

 

Yeeter @PeterParker 

SKSKSKSKSKSJDKAKA OH MY GOD SHURI

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

King T’Challa is a furry. He wears a cat suit and identities as a black panther in this essay i will..

 

Ned @Needles

@PeterParker BUT WHERE’S THE ESSAY

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker If King T’Challa is a furry so is Spider-Man 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker 

@TonyStark What?! No?!

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

@TonyStark naw he’s a buggy

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Hawkeye W H A T THE F U C K

-

S(bi)derman @Spidey

Hey guys it’s been fun, but I’m quitting. I can no longer be Spider-Man.

S(bi)derman @Spidey

I have been called a buggy and my life has no meaning anymore. Time to jump off Avengers tower without my web shooters

 

Natasha @BlackWidow 

@Spidey Aww no! We still love you... even if you are a buggy

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@BlackWidow if I’m a buggy then so are you.

 

Natasha @BlackWidow

@Spidey I’m not the one who is literally part spider! 

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@BlackWidow I didn’t ask for this life! I didn’t ask for that spider to bite me!

 

Natasha @BlackWidow

@Spidey Buggy.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@BlackWidow What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo

 

Shuri @Shuri

IM DYING I TAUGHT HIM THAT

 

Natasha @BlackWidow

@Spidey you fool. you absolute buffoon. you think you can challenge me in my own realm? you think you can rebel against my authority? you dare come into my house and upturn my dining chairs and spill coffee grounds in my Keurig? you thought you were safe in your chain mail armor behind that screen of yours. I will take these laminate wood floor boards and destroy you. I didn’t want war. but i didn’t start it.

 

Shuri @Shuri

The plot thickens

-


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a crush on Thor

Yeeter @PeterParker

Hgggnnnn big gay

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker mood but who we talking about

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri T H O R

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker ugh not this again, Peter you can not fuck Thor he’s like 1000 years old and your dad would kill you

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri But... But.... but.... you don’t have all the facts.

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker Which are?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri I love him

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

And just like that I must take my leave

 

IronDad @TonyStark 

@PeterParker I WILL FIND YOU AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

Do y’all hear something? Suddenly I can’t hear or see

-

Yeeter @PeterParker

:((((( So my dad told me I’m not allowed to sleep with gods, aliens, or monsters and honestly??? I’m feeling a little attacked rn

 

Shuri @Shuri 

@PeterParker It’s for the best Peter 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri Guess I’ll just have marry you or something

 

Shuri @Shuri 

@PeterParker Sorry b I’m already engaged to Spider-Man 

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@PeterParker ya lil bitch back off my fiancé 

 

IronDad @TonyStark

You all are actually the worst I hope you know that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wind chill where I live is -40 and I wanna dieeee. But like my bookie is coming over later so its all good. I have off school today and tomorrow so you'll get more of the content you deserve I promise.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky know fatalistic humor

Yeeter @PeterParker

I’m sick :(

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker You need anything kiddo? Water? Food? Blankets?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Thank you, but I’d rather just die

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker You can’t just say shit like that kid I’ve already got a bad heart

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark But death feels so close upon me I’m ready to go into its waiting arms

 

MJ @CallMeMJ

@PeterParker Fucking mood

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@PeterParker If you wanna speed up the process there is bleach by the dishwasher 

 

Cap @SteveRogers 

@PeterParker Or there is rope in the training room

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@SteveRogers @BuckyBarnes thanks guys! But if I’m gonna go out I gotta do it with style. Jumping off the roof of SI seems like a good option 

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker Do a flip

 

IronDad @TonyStark

WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS?!?!?!? Peter your roof privileges have been revoked 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Why won’t you just let me die :((((

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer 

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark This is homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... I know. I'm actually the worst. But I'm really sick so I got a chance to write more!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spiderman is P I S S E D and the american government is trash.

S(bi)derman @Spidey

Can the government get off my ASS

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

ALsO Can the avengers sue thunderthighs thaddy thotty ross?

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

By holding the rouge avengers in the raft he violated Clint, Scott, and Sam’s fifth amendment rights and the writ of habeas corpus. They should’ve been allowed a lawyer but they weren’t.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

The US’s flagrant mistreatment of enhanced individuals is disgusting. It is easy to scapegoat the avengers when things go wrong but consider this: New York wouldn’t exist anymore if it weren’t for the avengers. It was the US itself that deployed a nuke against the city with zero previous attempts at evacuation.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

When the avengers blew up the city of Sokovia they did it to save the entire globe, but they evacuated the ENTIRE city before they did it. Ultron dropping the city would have caused global annihilation and the avengers still focused on evac as well as stopping him

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

The avengers don’t choose the scenarios they are put into and blaming them for doing the absolute best they can is disgusting. Remember Pietro Maximoff. He was the brother of Wanda and died in Sokovia by taking about 20 bullets to save Clint and a child. 

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey  
The reason Tony Stark himself renounced the accords after the Civil War was because it became clear that allowing the western governments to use the avengers for their own agendas will aid in their imperialistic movements and we are not willing to associate with that.

S(bi)derman @Spidey

Back to my original point. The government wants me to register as an “Enhanced Individual” and I will not. I am a teenager with superpowers and i have a secret identity for a reason. My “vigilantism” has saved dozens of lives. I will not be used by my government to carry out missions i do not believe in. My duty is to the people of new york. Not its government.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

If the government wants to reach me they can contact my lawyer Matt Murdock or my legal guardian Tony Stark, otherwise… leave me alone. 

 

AmySamal @AmySamal

O fuck spidey is W O K E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Two months ago today I had a major life changing surgery, I had both of my hips operated on leaving me wheelchair bound for weeks. This motivated me to start writing and i'm grateful for it. I'm happy that my body is healing well and for all the nice comments you all leave on this fic. I love you all.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man this is based off a true story one of my teachers did this like a week ago.

Yeeter @PeterParker

Ahhhh sooo.... Mr. Pirce wore a durag at school today 

 

Zain @Zaninyboii

@PeterParker What’s the issue with that? Black cultural wear should be normalized in the workplace!

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Zaininyboii Mr Pirce is white

 

Zain @Zaininyboii

@PeterParker Wait WHAT

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Zaininyboii He wore it the whole day!!! And made fun of black students in the process

 

Zain @Zaininyboii

@PeterParker Can he be... fired???

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Dad? Can we petition the board or something?

 

Tony @TonyStark

@PeterParker One step ahead of you kiddo

-

Cap @SteveRogers

Why are people like this

 

Cap @SteveRogers

Petition for me to personally punch Peter’s teacher in the face

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@SteveRogers It’s very common behavior still and I’m disgusted 

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@PeterParker Common? In 2019?!?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@SteveRogers Look up the Alt-Right

-

Cap @SteveRogers

WHAT THE FUCK

 

Cap @SteveRogers

What the FUCK

 

Cap @SteveRogers

I did not die for this

 

Cap @SteveRogers

I’m about to spontaneously combust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys that comment make my day ❤️❤️❤️❤️


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonyisadad™ and buck and stevie are in love

Daily Bugle @DailyBugle

Spiderman: Man or Menace? Read more here at http;spidermanexposed//daily.bugle/ffa.org

 

Fox News @Fox

Spiderman is unregistered and a danger to society, full segment @ 8

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@Fox Now listen here. My kid goes out and risks his life every night to make the streets of NYC safer and you wanna talk shit?

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@DailyBugle You called him a menace for denting a car, The car in question was dented while the kid was stopping an attempted rape and the owner has been compensated for repairs. Would you rather a dented car or this woman’s well being? 

 

IronDad @TonyStark

He goes through so much more than any kid should and i’m so proud of him.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@TonyStark Dad I'm gonna cry stop

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@Spidey Never

-

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

I love my boyfriend with all my heart

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SteveRogers I’ve been stuck on you since age 16

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes I missed you so much when i woke up it hurt

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SteveRogers You are the person I live for. You are my everything Stevie

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes I wish I could hold you right now.

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SteveRogers I hate when you leave without me

 

Nat @BlackWidow

@SteveRogers Are you seriously on twitter during a mission Steve?

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

Captain America folk


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New relationship????? Cassie is back and Vision gets twitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! i'm back from the hellhole that is writing a 20 page research essay for AP Lit.

Shuri @Shuri

I have met the woman of my dreams

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri Really Shuri? One of my best friends?

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker Shut the fuck up!!!! She’ll know!!

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri Oh she’s in love with you too im just disgusted

 

Shuri @Shuri 

@PeterParker She likes me?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri She never shuts up about you

 

Shuri @Shuri 

@PeterParker This is the best day of my life

 

MJ @MichelleJones

Parker i’m gonna murder you

-

 

Scott @Ant_Man

@SpideyHey spidey you wanna babysit Cassie for me? I have a date and peanut won’t shut up about you

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@Ant_Man Uhhhh. Do you even have to ask?? Hell yeah! I miss my mini me!

 

Scott @Ant_Man

@Spidey She calls you uncle webhead

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@Ant_Man Im…. crying

-  
S(bi)derman @Spidey

Cassie wanted me to tell everyone hi from her.

 

Pepper @PepperPottsOfficial

@Spidey Awww whatcha two up to?

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@PepperPottsOfficial I made a hammock out of my extra strength web fluid so we’re up chilling on the ceiling.

 

-

Vision @TheVision

Hello internet.

 

Vision @TheVision

At the bequest of my friends I have made an account on this application.

 

Wanda @ScarlettWitch

@TheVision Vis! You got a twitter!

 

Vision @TheVision

@ScarlettWitch Hello honey. Now, why are there so many drawings of all of us naked?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@ScarlettWitch Oh my god how did he find the porn that fast

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker Wym he’s literally part internet

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri Fuck you’re right

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TheVision Vision can you you access the internet from your body? This is important

 

Vision @TheVision

@PeterParker I can, yes.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri Fuck he’s too powerful


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memes, memes, memes

Yeeter @PeterParker

Bumber bifteen Burger Bing boot bettuce, bhe bast bhing bou bant bn bour Burger Bing buger bs bomebodies boot bungus

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Kid. What the actual fuck.

 

Shuri @Shuri

@PeterParker BUT BAT BIGHT BE BXACTLY BHAT BOU BET

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

I would like to be referred to now as Beter Barker.

 

Nat @BlackWidow

@PeterParker Absolutely not.

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

@PeterParker BETER BARKER I'M YELLING

-

IronDad @TonyStark

MJ, please come get your girlfriend and best friend out of the lab. It’s two in the morning they wont SLEEP.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Mr Stark Ima need you to stop being a hypocrite and get your own ass to bed.

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Is this anyway to talk to your father? The disrespect.

 

Shuri @Shuri

SKSKSKSK Peter just PICKED TONY UP and said “GO TO SLEEP” and CARRIED HIM OUT OF THE ROOM

 

Amanda @AaAbenger  
@Shuri How,,, tf did this 12 y/o carry a grown ass man

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@AaAbenger Ummm,,,

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@AaAbenger I’m strong and he’s very smol

-

 

Cap @SteveRogers

:( I saw the Noter Dame cathedral during the war, when i woke up from the ice I was so happy to hear it survived the bombings of the war. The news is devastating, especially as a catholic. 

 

Cap @SteveRogers

I’ll remind you guys though that the catholic church is one of the wealthiest entities in the world. They already have plans to rebuild the cathedral. If you want to donate to a church, there are several small ones that were burned completely down in the past week. A donation there would have a much larger impact on communities as a whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gack I'm the worst. I know. I've been so wrapped up in endgame and AP classes. Ooooh also, opinion time! Should I add Carol into the story?


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarolCarol

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

Tony made me get this account. He said i needed to be reintegrated into “Earth Culture”

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@CaptainMarvel OMG Ms. Carol Captain Marvel Danvers Ma’am! You got a twitter!!!

 

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

@PeterParker Hey kiddo! I told you! Call me Carol.

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@CaptainMarvel Pfft good luck with that. He only stopped calling me Mr. Stark when he called me “Dad”

 

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

Hmmm. Hey @PeterParker You can call me Aunt Carol if you want

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@CaptainMarvel I CAN?!?!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER 

-

Thor @GodOfThunder

@Brunhilde VALKYRIE!!! THIS IS THE LESBIAN I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT

 

Val @Brunhilde 

@CaptainMarvel Carol?

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

@Brunhilde Brunhilde?!!!!

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

@CaptainMarvel You two KNOW each other????

 

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

@GodOfThunder We met on Saakar a few years back. It was an interesting week.

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

@CaptainMarvel I do not understand.

 

Val @Brunhilde

@GodOfThunder We had sex Thor.

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

@Brunhilde OH! Congratulations! Had I known you had bedded the great Captain Marvel i wouldn’t have tried so hard to set you with those Xandarians.

 

Bruce @Dr.BruceBanner

@GodOfThunder God damn it Thor we gotta work on your filter this is going to be a PR nightmare

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@CaptainMarvel Aunt Carol, you should slide into miss Valkyrie’s DMs

 

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

@PeterParker I have literally no idea what that means.

Yeeter @PeterParker

@CaptainMarvel You should shoot your shot!

 

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

@PeterParker ?????

 

Yeeter @PeterParker 

@CaptainMarvel I mean that you should ask her out

 

Carol Danvers @CaptainMarvel

@PeterParker Oh I already did that like 5 minutes ago, she’s already at my ship

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@CaptainMarvel Oh!! Have fun on your date Aunt Carol!

 

Thor @GodOfThunder

@CaptainMarvel Yes, have a marvelous time in the throes of passion my friends

 

Bruce @Dr.BruceBanner

@GodOfThunder Thor……

-

Avengersfan @Avenge.rs

There is only one Captain. And it’s Captain America. This woman could never.

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@Avenge.rs Okay listen here. Captain Marvel is a fantastic person and an incredible hero. The only reason she’s not an avenger is that she’s been off saving other planets for the last 20 years. 

 

IronDad @TonyStark

Y’all remember that “meteor shower” in 95 that was the cause of so many conspiracy theories?? Yeah that was Carol Danvers busting through an about 20 bombs and and entire spaceship. On her own.

 

Shuri @Shuri

@TonyStark We have no choice but to stan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day????? Wow this is a personal achievement. In other news.... I love my wife ms. Carol Danvers


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is a useless thot

S(bi)derman @Spidey

What if we kissed in the underground hydra base

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@Spidey ???? What the fuck!!?!

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@SteveRogers He said what he said.

-

Sam @SamWilson

@BuckyBarnes Hey Bucky.

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SamWilson What sam

 

Sam @SamWilson

@BuckyBarnes Bitch.

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SamWilson Man what the fuck did i do this time

 

Sam @SamWilson

@BuckyBarnes Besides being a little bitch? Stealing my fucking M&Ms.

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SamWilson Steve did that

 

Sam @SamWilson

@BuckyBarnes You let him.

-

Yeeter @PeterParker

I’m on that dumb bitch juice today folks

 

Needles @NedLeeds

@PeterParker BAHAHAHA your FACE

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@NedLeeds What happened?

 

Needles @NedLeeds

@TonyStark A new kid came to school today and Peter takes one look at him and promptly loses all brain function, running into an open locker.

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Kid… You dumbass.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark I know.

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker You useless bisexual thot.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones In my defense,,,, he was really hot.

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker Still a loser

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones What if,, and hear me out here,, you shut the fuck up

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones MJ you also saw Shuri in a prom dress and tripped on your own feet you headass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! I'm always looking for prompts!!:)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The people have spoken

Yeeter @PeterParker

wtfWtfWTF

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker Bro what?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones I walked into to dad’s lab to ask him something, and the hot kid from yesterday is just STANDING there.

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker What did you do then?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones What any sane person would! I ran!

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker You dumb fuck

 

-

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Kid get your ass back here i want you to meet Harley

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Wait that’s HARLEY?! The one from tennessee? From your stories?

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Yeah his family just moved to New York, I gave him an internship

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@TonyStark Holy fuck

-

Yeeter @PeterParker

Okay so i met him and he’s hot AND smart. He also met Tony by shooting at him with a potato gun. In conclusion, I am in love

 

Needles @NedLeeds

@PeterParker Peter you know he can probably see these tweets right?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@NedLeeds Wait

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

Shitshitshitifuckedup

 

Harlz @HarleyKeener

@PeterParker Don’t worry about it cutie ;) I think you’re pretty great too

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

Hnnnngg

 

Needles @NedLeeds

Peter.exe has stopped responding

 

-

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

I just walking in on Stucky kissing.. Like?? Right in front of my salad??

 

Vision @TheVision

@PeterParker Peter my data sources tell me that that quote comes from a video off the website, pornhub. May i ask why this is what you chose to reference?

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Kid WTF

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@PeterParker God im too old for this

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

@PeterParker Brooo you wild for that

 

Nat @BlackWidow

@PeterParker encourage this clint.

 

Pepper @PepperPottsOfficial

@PeterParker God damn it Peter do I need to get the PR team involved?

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

It’s a MEME guys

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

I am being attacked by a group of ignorant gen xers my GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I love all the sweet comments you guys leave me it really makes my day. I'm sorry I haven't been really active on this fic but life is a bitch sometime ya know? I've got some really shitty stuff going on right now but I promise i'll harder to update more often.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter smokes weed for the first time with Shuri, MJ, and Ned

Yeeter @PeterParker

Y’all know weed is legal in Wakanda right? Right. I’m about to get vey *legally* fucked up. I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@PeterParker PETER NoOoo

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@SteveRogers Peter YES

 

Bucko @BuckyBarnes

@SteveRogers STEVE YOU SMOKED WEED IN THE FORTIES

 

Cap @SteveRogers

@BuckyBarnes SHHHHHH BUCK i’m trying to be a GOOD INFLUENCE

-

IronDad @TonyStark

For the record both me and May are fine with Peter trying weed in Wakanda. It is legal and if he’s going to try it, it should be in a safe environment. So stop harassing us about our parenting skills please and thank you.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

I'm also EIGHTEEN I make my own decisions.

-

Yeeter @PeterParker

Bout to smoke gang gang

 

Shuri @Shuri  
@PeterParker Hell yeah boysss

-

Shuri @Shuri  
This lil white boy won’t stop COUGHING

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@Shuri Don’t EXPOSE me like this

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker Peter you coughed all over us we have the right to make fun of you.

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

@MichelleJones SO DID NED

 

Needles @NedLeeds

@PeterParker In my defense I didn’t pretend like I could handle it like you did.

Shuri @Shuri  
This boy takes the blunt for the very first time, after we warned him to go easy, takes a FAT hit and then promptly CoUGhS.

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@PeterParker Like bruh

 

-

Yeeter @PeterParker

Woww this feels weird

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@PeterParker Congrats kid, you have now officially been high

 

Yeeter @PeterParker

:))))))

-  
Yeeter @PeterParker

I love all you guys :))))

Shuri @Shuri  
Peter is apparently even more cuddly when high.

-

MJ @MichelleJones

Which Avengers give off the biggest stoner energy?

 

Anna @AnnaAfel

@MichelleJones Probably Tony, He seems more the drug type

 

IronDad @TonyStark

I was, back in my younger years but now i just have some dumbass kids to looks after, so no time.

 

IronDad @TonyStark

Bruce Banner

 

Bruce @Dr.BruceBanner

@TonyStark C’mon Tony we’ve talked about this I don’t smoke weed

 

IronDad @TonyStark

@Dr.BruceBanner And i still don’t believe you

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

@MichelleJones Does it count if it’s prescribed?

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@Hawkeye Yes

 

CawCaw @Hawkeye

@MichelleJones Then me

 

MJ @MichelleJones

@Hawkeye Makes sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More a crack chapter than anything


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Say hello to Nicole the amazing OFC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya better appreciate this chapter because I was basically GUILT TRIPPED into writing it

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

Hi hello yes I’m currently in my kitchen drinking a cheap container of wine with Spider-Man what is my life

 

Flora @F_Lowes

Hello please explain this tweet

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

Okay so I was walking home from work as one does, and this guy pulls me into an alleyway and he has a knife. I don’t wanna think about what could of happened If freaking Spider-Man didn’t show up

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

So he and this dude start fighting and I’m trying to help because I’m a bad bitch. He webs the mf up and calls the police. I thank him and try to go home but he insists on walking me.

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

When we get to my apartment I start freaking out because I literally almost got assaulted. I had a panic attack and this boy calms me down like a pro idk how he even learned to do that.

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

So he stays with me for a bit before I say I need a drink. I pull out one of my cheap ass tiny wine boxes (because I’m a broke bitch) and start swigging. I ask Spider-Man if he wants some and he says yes. So now we’re currently wine drunk on my kitchen floor. 

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

We’ve made a pack to become wine aunts together. This mf is actually really fucking funny

-

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@NicoleWilliams Hey new bestie

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

@Spidey hey bitch what’s up

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@NicoleWilliams Remember how you said you would bang Thor’s girlfriend’s best friend like a screen door in the wind and I called you a whore?

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

@Spidey Why do you have to ExPOsE me like this!! But yes I do remember this conversation.

 

S(bi)derman @Spidey

@NicoleWilliams Well...... @DarcyLewis

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

@Spidey NOOOO!!!

 

Darcy @DarcyLewis

@NicoleWilliams Hot damn you’re cute

 

Darcy @DarcyLewis

@Spidey I would like to thank you for blessing me with this opportunity

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

@DarcyLewis Sjiwjebwikfhjejdje

 

Darcy @DarcyLewis

@Spidey Ah so she’s a bottom then

 

Darcy @DarcyLewis

@NicoleWilliams don’t worry sugar that works for me ;)

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

@DarcyLewis !!!

 

Nicole @NicoleWilliams

@Spidey Idk whether to strangle you or hug you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello old friends it’s been a long time. I now have a job that works me five days a week so :( I’m very busy. Life’s been okay I guess. Lots of ups and downs. I got lots of funny stories from this summer that I can tell you all in the notes if you want. Also please go read my other fics they are very lonely and need attention (like me)


End file.
